Democrat Party Politicians work overtime to protect us

A first-hand report by Fern T. Greenthumb,

Adam Kline wants someone
else to take gun ban heat

In the Democrat Caucus room, I was able to witness first hand the impressive intellectual titans we have elected to represent us in Olympia.  These fearless leaders are the thin green line that separates us from the certain anarchy and disaster that would befall every gay, transgender, Latino, Native American, woman, child, animal, insect, plant, rock, and salmon in Washington if the Republican Tea Bagger party were to take charge.  I felt very privileged to take part and was thankful to be a witness to this seminal landmark event.

In the beginning, a number of political leaders were discussing the state of legislation and their priorities as political leaders.  Senator Kline (D-Seattle) got up and discussed how his bill to outlaw all firearms in Washington State was thwarted for the third time in a row, and he was very angry at the reporters who called him out on this fact.  “These reporters vote for us.  They support us, and we usually get them to do our bidding.  What he hell is going on here?  Why did they point out the fact my bill allowed the warrantless police search of gun owners homes?  I needed to sneak that one in there for the greater good.  There was a lot of potential there.  Didn’t they get the message?”

Allen Alley (R) Announces Another Run for Governor

Allen Alley announced his candidacy
for Governor. It is his second try for
the state's highest post and his third
run for a statewide office.

Springfield, Ore., February 12, 2013--This morning Allen Alley (R) announced his candidacy for Governor. This is his second Gubernatorial run, and his third for a statewide office. Alley announced his campaign at the Springfield Cabela's retail store where he unveiled his revamped image. This particular campaign kickoff was drastically different than his 2009 event.

Alley said, "I'm runnin' and gunnin'. I need y'all to stick by me like my trusty holster and sixshooter," as he tapped his open-carry revolver slung around his hip. "I'm the candidate that's tough on crime, easy on your pocketbook, and hard on bureaucrats."

Alley was wearing cowboy boots, jeans, a massive belt buckle, a western-style shirt, and white cowboy hat. Towards the end of his announcement, Alley tipped his hat and said, "Remember, I'm the good guy," then he gave a practiced wink to his cadre of campaign supporters near the podium.

Alley's theatrics weren't lost on the party hard-liners. Tim Smith, Oregon State Republicans Vice-Chairman was present. He noted, "I like the new look, it's something I can relate to. I just hope he's changed his position on abortion. Everything else sounds pretty good to me."

Smith was referring to the Achilles heel of Alley's last Gubernatorial run, which was his pro-choice position. Many thought it cost him the primary election to his opponent Chris Dudley, who had a more conservative position (although not well-articulated) and connected better with the Republican base. Dudley went on to lose a close race to the current Governor John Kitzhaber.

Allen Alley has chosen his close companion Lindsay Berschauer as his campaign consultant. Berschauer was the former Executive Director of the Oregon Transformation Project, a non-profit Alley started after his last campaign. Berschauer left that post recently to start her own political consulting firm, and has landed Alley as a client.

"I'm happy to have Allen as a client," said Berschauer. "We have a long-standing WORKING relationship and mutual respect. I think I'll bring a lot of polish to his campaign."

Oregon Governor, John Kitzhaber pictured in his
casual cowboy-style.

When asked what differences people could expect, Berschauer said, "We are going to out-cowboy Kitzhaber. There's a new sheriff in town, and it's Allen Alley!" Previewing some of Leona Consulting's new pizzazz for Alley, Berschauer announced, "Remember the 3' door hangars for Castandea? We are going to do something similar for Allen--although bigger and better. Allen is going to have 4' hangars in the shape of an assault rifle, and we will hang them by the trigger guard. Adults can read them and kids can play with them. They are going to be unforgettable--and 'sticky'."

When asked if she had any campaign tricks up her sleeve, Berschauer said that they have one idea worth mentioning, "We are going to deliver flaming bags of poop. Well, they really won't be on fire, they will have printed flames though. When you open the bag, there will be a variety of turds inside: SEIU, Portland school bonds, abortion, and the runaway state budget. These are all stinky ideas of the left. The lit drop is designed for low-information voter so they will get it. The bags will look like Kitzhaber's team left them as a prank."

Allen Alley recently finished his term as the Oregon State Party Chairman. He decided to leave, although had he run again, it may have been a difficult re-election. He left the party in disarray and there was a swarm of controversy in the second half of 2012. Alley will have to win back a large part of the Republican base, and it is perhaps why he has announced his campaign so early.

Although Alley has a new makeover, a few questions still remain about his position on abortion, and time will tell if he can win back the Republicans.

Facebook becomes the CIA's primary information gathering program

Facebook has been revealed that is it the premier worldwide surveillance device and is the CIA's primary intelligence gathering program.

Zuckerberg claims that Facebook is, "the single most powerful tool for population control ever created."

Watch the complete report here.

Matt Wingard and Linday Berschauer set to make a public announcement

In the wake of a sex scandal, Wingard fell from Republican
 power this past summer, and in an attempt to distance
herself from the controversy, Berschauer told reporters
she, "wasn't currently dating him."  Her strategy failed
when local Republicans nominated John Davis to fill the
Wingard vacancy.

This morning, Matt Wingard and Lindsay Berschauer announced their engagement, but it remains unclear if it's an announcement for a engagement to be married.

Perhaps the two most controversial figures in Oregon Republican politics, held a small meeting today in Wilsonville with family members and a handful of supporters at the Wilsonville Holiday Inn. They were there to discuss arrangements and assign table captains for Wingard's upcoming Liberi Foundation fundraiser, a night of comedy they have aptly named: A Night of a Thousand Laughs.

The morning meeting took a strange twist when Wingard announced he and Berschauer were going to make a public announcement at the fundraiser that will make them, "the most powerful political duo that Oregon has ever seen." But he left the organizers confused when he said, "everyone will have to wait until the event to hear the details of the announcement."

Rock Stacking May Harm the Earth

                    Rock Stacking is a popular activity

We’ve all seen those piles of rocks and stones on beaches, riverbeds, and in parks.  They are piles of rocks that have been stacked and placed in gravity defying shapes and spires showing perfect and improbable balance.  Enthusiasts have been stacking rocks as an art form for many years, and it is a world-wide phenomenon.  Websites are dedicated to the practice, artists promote their stacks, and many people believe the experience of stacking rocks as a path to promote environmentalism.  It is also will soon be illegal if concerned environmentalists succeed in their efforts to outlaw the practice.

If Environmentalists succeed, these signs will be common

“People just don’t realize how harmful rock stacking can be and how destructive to the global environment” explained Stacy Bufume.  “I know it appears harmless, but this activity has grown into an epidemic around the world, and it is exploding in popularity.  Every rock pile created truly disturbs the natural order of nature, frightens wildlife, and it has the potential to initiate extinction events.  We can’t even begin to measure the harmful long-term impacts of rock stacking.  We just need to stop it, or at least regulate it right now before it is too late.”  Stacy Bufume is the spokesperson for Save Our Beautiful Earth Rapidly, an organization dedicated to protecting the environment and nature from the less obvious dangers of human existence.

Wash towns and cities consider marijuana-friendly name changes

Washington cities and town have been considering
name changes they hope will attract more agri-tourism.

The recent passage of Initiative 502 that legalizes marijuana in Washington state, has created some unintended consequences that are already being felt at the local level.  Among other challenges have been the recent move by local cities to make their jurisdictions more friendly to those willing to explore the newfound public freedoms introduced by this voter approved legislation.

Part of the effort to attract marijuana users to their communities has been an effort to rename cities.

Tokeland is an area located in Pacific County in southwest Washington.  Tokeland resident, Andrew Garcia, said, “We may not be a formal city, but according to the census bureau we are a census-designated place.  We don’t need to change our name where we live.  I don’t think people should be changing the names of their cities. Our name is pretty 420-friendly as it is, and we can really use some tourism at this place.”